I used to think that I'll have things figured out by adulthood. (Read 20's post-university.) Surprise! I don't. While 10 year old me would be disappointed and my 16 year old self would definitely panic, present Anne would be totes okay with it. Wow, I never thought I'd say that. Time apparently changes a lot of things. Even people. Even me.
25 years is both long and short. Long enough for a kid but short enough for an adult. The irony, right? It's that weird in between phase. I've been fishing my brains out for a birthday post idea in the last 2 weeks. Frustratingly, I just didn't have the mojo. That is until last week. The "tita" in me fell asleep before 11:00 pm on a Friday and woke up at 5:30 am on a W.E.E.K.E.N.D. (Who am I? 18 year old Anne would be up reading a novel or binging on Gossip Girl til 4:00 am. She's very disappointed.) So I did what every other millenial would do. I checked my social media and ended up on Youtube watching Jen Im's video which sparked the idea for this piece. Quite perfectly too since I did something similar last year. Read it here.
You see, I've worked hard on something for the past 3 years that I've never done before: self love. In a society where flaws make you weak, perfection is expected and you're told to be both unique and to conform to a standard, I've easily drowned in insecurities. I never felt good about myself. I hated how I look. I didn't acknowledge my talents. I overlooked my strengths and highlighted my weaknesses. But all that changed thanks to social media. Wait, WHAT?!
Let's first establish that I'm very picky with who I follow, watch or double tap on every digital platform. They have to tick at least one of these boxes:
25 years is both long and short. Long enough for a kid but short enough for an adult. The irony, right? It's that weird in between phase. I've been fishing my brains out for a birthday post idea in the last 2 weeks. Frustratingly, I just didn't have the mojo. That is until last week. The "tita" in me fell asleep before 11:00 pm on a Friday and woke up at 5:30 am on a W.E.E.K.E.N.D. (Who am I? 18 year old Anne would be up reading a novel or binging on Gossip Girl til 4:00 am. She's very disappointed.) So I did what every other millenial would do. I checked my social media and ended up on Youtube watching Jen Im's video which sparked the idea for this piece. Quite perfectly too since I did something similar last year. Read it here.
You see, I've worked hard on something for the past 3 years that I've never done before: self love. In a society where flaws make you weak, perfection is expected and you're told to be both unique and to conform to a standard, I've easily drowned in insecurities. I never felt good about myself. I hated how I look. I didn't acknowledge my talents. I overlooked my strengths and highlighted my weaknesses. But all that changed thanks to social media. Wait, WHAT?!
Let's first establish that I'm very picky with who I follow, watch or double tap on every digital platform. They have to tick at least one of these boxes:
| □ motivational | ...... | □ poetic | ...... | □ positive |
| □ creative | ...... | □ entertaining | ...... | □ vulnerable/honest |
| □ visual | ...... | □ inspiring | ...... | □ food (LOL!) |
That and the acknowledgement that social media doesn't perfectly encapsulate life. They're, if anything, galleries of things we'd like to highlight. A public diary of stuff we're comfortable sharing. It's a part of us but not all of us.
If there's one thing that the creatives and influencers I closely follow have in common, it's that they are unapologetically themselves. Sure they may have insecurities and flaws too. We're human after all. But the fact that they accept themselves in spite of those made me stop and wonder. If they can be comfortable about themselves imperfections and all, if they can love themselves for who they are regardless of society's shallow standards, then why can't I?
If there's one thing that the creatives and influencers I closely follow have in common, it's that they are unapologetically themselves. Sure they may have insecurities and flaws too. We're human after all. But the fact that they accept themselves in spite of those made me stop and wonder. If they can be comfortable about themselves imperfections and all, if they can love themselves for who they are regardless of society's shallow standards, then why can't I?
One day, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and instead of pinpointing the things I didn't like, I identified those that I did like: physically, mentally, skills-wise, etcetera. I know it may sound narcissistic but a lot of us don't think we're beautiful or enough for ourselves, for others, for the world. It was an eye opener and it was one of the best decisions I've made for myself. How about you?
So in the spirit of "word vomit", here are things that I learned on my journey to self acceptance, reminders I've told myself for the past two decades and a half, (and other random brain farts in between because this introvert has quite the noisy head.) Wow, all that blabber to introduce a list. Whooops!
ONE. Scars are beautiful. They're marks of a survivor. Don't let people tell you otherwise.
TWO. Beauty and success are subjective and the most important opinion comes from yourself.
THREE. It's okay to not be okay. Admitting failure and weakness is brave, never cowardly.
FOUR. Stop being selfish to yourself. Don't bleed yourself dry in a bid to be selfless or worse in an attempt to please everyone. (Podcast Suggestion→Selfish vs Selfless: Where is the Balance?)
FIVE. Choose your happiness. Say yes to you.
SIX. Other people's dreams aren't your dreams. Sometimes, they do converge but in cases when they do not, have the courage to choose the road to yours.
SEVEN. We outgrow things, people, places and even passions. That's okay. You don't have to hold on to everything. There's peace in letting go. There's beauty in starting anew.
EIGHT. You owe it to yourself to walk away from toxic situations, toxic people, toxic relationships, toxic cities, toxic thoughts and toxic habits.
NINE. When you live your life as if tomorrow's your last, you start to acknowledge things you've always wanted to do but didn't. Do them.
TEN. Live in the now. Don't be a prisoner of the past or a slave of the future.
ELEVEN. It's okay to say no.
TWELVE. Receive compliments. Don't brush them off. Say thank you instead.
THIRTEEN. Compliment people too. It's a harsh world we live in. A little appreciation never hurt. Spread it. It's free.
FOURTEEN. Life is and never will be fair. The earlier we acknowledge this the better.
FIFTEEN. Surround yourself with people that make you feel loved and alive.
SIXTEEN. Loneliness and being alone aren't one and the same. Know the difference. You can be alone and not feel lonely but you can also be in a room full of people and feel completely forlorn.
SEVENTEEN. Do one thing everyday that excites you. It need not be grand. It can be something as simple as going to bed early or listening to your favorite podcast.
EIGHTEEN. Never let society dictate what you can or cannot do. That's up to you.
NINETEEN. Popular opinion isn't always the better view just the same as not everything legal is moral.
TWENTY. People are strangers to us at some point. It's only a matter of time and conversation. Say hi. Ask. Share. Interact. (I suggest this TEDx Talk: 7 Ways to Make a Conversation with Anyone.)
TWENTY-ONE. You are worthy of your dreams. Don't let people shame you for your ambitions no matter how unconventional they are.
TWENTY-TWO. Listen to listen. We're not expected to always churn out a response. Many times, people just need ears to understand and a shoulder to cry on.
TWENTY-THREE. Everyone is fighting a battle we know none of. It's easier to be understanding when we put ourselves in other people's shoes.
TWENTY-FOUR. Celebrate small victories.
TWENTY-FIVE. When in doubt, smile.
I'm not making this post longer than it already is. Toodles and congrats if you've reached this far!
ONE. Scars are beautiful. They're marks of a survivor. Don't let people tell you otherwise.
TWO. Beauty and success are subjective and the most important opinion comes from yourself.
THREE. It's okay to not be okay. Admitting failure and weakness is brave, never cowardly.
FOUR. Stop being selfish to yourself. Don't bleed yourself dry in a bid to be selfless or worse in an attempt to please everyone. (Podcast Suggestion→Selfish vs Selfless: Where is the Balance?)
FIVE. Choose your happiness. Say yes to you.
SIX. Other people's dreams aren't your dreams. Sometimes, they do converge but in cases when they do not, have the courage to choose the road to yours.
SEVEN. We outgrow things, people, places and even passions. That's okay. You don't have to hold on to everything. There's peace in letting go. There's beauty in starting anew.
EIGHT. You owe it to yourself to walk away from toxic situations, toxic people, toxic relationships, toxic cities, toxic thoughts and toxic habits.
NINE. When you live your life as if tomorrow's your last, you start to acknowledge things you've always wanted to do but didn't. Do them.
TEN. Live in the now. Don't be a prisoner of the past or a slave of the future.
ELEVEN. It's okay to say no.
TWELVE. Receive compliments. Don't brush them off. Say thank you instead.
THIRTEEN. Compliment people too. It's a harsh world we live in. A little appreciation never hurt. Spread it. It's free.
FOURTEEN. Life is and never will be fair. The earlier we acknowledge this the better.
FIFTEEN. Surround yourself with people that make you feel loved and alive.
SIXTEEN. Loneliness and being alone aren't one and the same. Know the difference. You can be alone and not feel lonely but you can also be in a room full of people and feel completely forlorn.
SEVENTEEN. Do one thing everyday that excites you. It need not be grand. It can be something as simple as going to bed early or listening to your favorite podcast.
EIGHTEEN. Never let society dictate what you can or cannot do. That's up to you.
NINETEEN. Popular opinion isn't always the better view just the same as not everything legal is moral.
TWENTY. People are strangers to us at some point. It's only a matter of time and conversation. Say hi. Ask. Share. Interact. (I suggest this TEDx Talk: 7 Ways to Make a Conversation with Anyone.)
TWENTY-ONE. You are worthy of your dreams. Don't let people shame you for your ambitions no matter how unconventional they are.
TWENTY-TWO. Listen to listen. We're not expected to always churn out a response. Many times, people just need ears to understand and a shoulder to cry on.
TWENTY-THREE. Everyone is fighting a battle we know none of. It's easier to be understanding when we put ourselves in other people's shoes.
TWENTY-FOUR. Celebrate small victories.
TWENTY-FIVE. When in doubt, smile.
I'm not making this post longer than it already is. Toodles and congrats if you've reached this far!
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